Chapter 36

Richie's long legged stride ate up the lawn and street as he followed the noise. All American boys that lived for football, geeks that road coattails by writing extra papers and women in little to no clothing littered the front lawn. In the half dozen years since he’d tried college, some things never changed.

He politely detangled himself from a chesty blonde and another giddy, yet slightly drunk redhead before he got to the front door.
Inside was little better. Dark rooms with mood enhancing lights…aka make-out corners, pulsing music and the smell of far too many perfumes attacked his senses until he was unable to decipher one from the other. A circle of men shouting and a pair of heels caught him first. When he saw the heels go sky high again, he pushed through the crowd. It couldn't be...

He pushed aside a lanky kid, all of nineteen to see Elena doing a Beer Funnel upside down. "Chug! Chug! Chug!" came the circle of men as she swallowed beer.

Her short self was upside down, her lips attached to a hose attached to the keg she was currently doing the hand stand on. She waved her feet, silver heels glinting in the low light, matching skin tight pants hugged her everywhere and the smooth length of tummy showed as her shirt pooled up against her chest. He fought himself not to run and drag her off the beer funnel. Didn't she know those were dangerous? It wasn't even tasted, just blasted into her belly.

She bent double, barely landing right side up before lifting her hands to sway and shimmy towards the music. The beer had exploded in her belly, not nearly covering the ache that lived there now. God would it never go away? "Thanks guys, that'll do it for the moment." She knew it wouldn’t, she didn’t think anything would make the pain go away, but she was determined to try. There had to be SOMETHING that would erase that one night, the tease of his smile, the way he had smelled, and how he had felt surrounding her. Stop it Elena, you’re not helping yourself here.


She lifted her arms and swayed to the music, bumping and grinding against each guy as she moved about the room. There had to be a guy out there somewhere who could make her stop thinking of Richie. Well hell beer wasn’t getting the damned job done nothing was really. Reaching out, she winked up at a jock as she stole his fifth of tequila. Well if beer wont work lets hit the harder stuff and if that don’t work I’ll just find Ben. He’s good for a toke or two. She’d do anything to eradicate the uneraseable.


Richie banked the anger and told himself that he'd done the same thing. He had no right to be mad, there were no strings, he'd made sure of it. But when she slid against the next warm body then away he stepped forward.

Curling the bottle of tequila too her she turned, overly made up eyes looking for the guy famous for always having a stash, her eyes catching a bare whiff of a black Stetson. Jesus, memories were everywhere it seemed. She knew it wasn’t the Stetson she wanted, but damn just maybe….. She started to make her way towards what appeared to be a tall dark guy in a hat as some blonde jock changed the music from a pounding Stones song to .. noooooooo not them of all things. The Stetson was forgotten when As You Give Love a Bad Name started to blast through the house. Her tiny body tightened like a over wound watch; her eyes shadowing in pain while a half empty bottle slipped through nerveless fingers. Jesus of all the fucking albums for this frat to have in its possession. She should of asked to start with.

There was no way she could stay in here now. It was too much to ask of her, party girl couldn’t do her thing not with the agony that was now banding tightly around her heart. She had to get the hell out of this room with its flashes of Stetsons and music that had her seeing and feeling that one damned night. With shoulders tight with tension, every fake pretense she had put on dropped. Whirling she headed for the double doors that lead outside to the garden. As she stepped through the double doors she banked right and headed into the trees. God forbid anyone see the tears that no longer just threatened.

Richie watched as the Elena he didn't recognize quickly morphed into a sad one that he knew all too well. He chased after her, pushing through the crowd as he caught a glimpse of her hair, then the quick shot of silver that clung to her shoulder. "Elena!" he called out, but she couldn't hear him over the music, HIS music, he thought regretfully. "Dammit!" He snarled as he tried to get out of the cluster fuck of college kids.

She bit back a sob as the music kept blasting into her soul driving her deeper into a pit that she wasn’t so sure she’d ever going to crawl out of. Nothing had helped, pills to stay awake, booze to dull the pain, nothing at all could erase that one fucking night from her mind or heart. The whisper of a voice calling her name had her stiffening. God damn was she forever more going to hear him calling her name like he did that morning? That one morning that had did more to shatter her very being than anything her parents had ever done before?

Dragging her hands up through her hair she sobbed. It just wasn’t fair, why wouldn’t they change the fucking album? Why couldn’t she get over him? Fuck, get with it Elena, its just a fucking song. Get the hell over yourself, you were just a fuck, a one night stand, he wasn’t different like you thought. Get it together and get back to the party.

He broke through the crowd. "Elena!" He shoved one large linebacker out of his way, "Excuse me," he said and moved forward.

There it was again, that voice that sounded so much like his, it was just her imagination; she knew that. How many times lately had she turned suddenly thinking she saw him or heard him like she heard him that morning? She wasn't gonna fool herself this time, he wasn't there and she knew it. Slender shoulders began to shake harder as the silver of her tears fell harder. She wanted to scream at them all to turn the fucking album off, hadn’t she been through enough? Did they have to torture her like that? If they’d just turn that fucking music off I would be ok, I would. Yeah Elena lie to yourself, that will solve all your problems.

The sound of his booming guitars and Jon's voice was all he could hear. Shit, waylaid by his own fucking music. He nearly made it to her. "Elena!"

She was lost in her misery, the memory of his voice teasing her like so many sharp needles. She needed more tequila; that would drown him out. She straightened her shoulders and lifted her hand to tried to stop the tears. Taking a deep breath she attempted to turn back to the party, but the song had her rooted to the spot.

Richie stopped as he rounded the trees. She was there, her shoulders heaving as she stared up at the sky. Her dark hair was a teasing tumble of silk down her back letting tiny bits of silver glint in the moonlight. And when he saw her hand come up to dash at her cheeks, acid carved out his belly and left a new ache. God, I made her cry. Before he could stop himself he whispered her name. They were far enough away from the party now so that he could be heard. "Elena."

She whirled the softest gasp echoing over her lips as eyes glazed from both pain and alcohol glanced upwards. He wasn’t there, he wasn’t; it was just a ghost of a memory. "Go way Ghostie, your not real." She tilted her head, the moonlight turning her tears to traces of silver. Her broken heart whispered out in a voice that held only pain, "Why can't I drown you out huh?"

"Aww, little one." He moved in closer, watched as she wavered a little and caught her hand, dragging her in. "Elena, God." His voice was little more than breath. Even with the stench of alcohol and unwashed males all over that party she smelled of heaven. He drew her in, pressing his cheek against her hair.

It’s just a trick of the alcohol; it had to be, Her tears scalded her cheeks as she murmured, "Stupid memory, quit tormenting me."

"It's me, baby. I swear it. It's me." He pressed a kiss to her temple, the baby fine hairs tickled his nose as he dragged her closer.

"You wouldn’t come that far for a darlin." She hiccupped softly; her head swimming as she glanced up only to be teased by the warmth of the vision. God she was smelling his cologne now? She was losing it. But that scent, that heady scent of man, citrus and spice had her head swimming as warning bells began to shrill in her head. “Silly me, I thought he was different. Boy was I stupid huh Ghostie?”

His fingers drilled into her hair as the arrow hit home. God, he'd hurt her for no reason. No reason at all. Stupid fucking pride. She didn't deserve his fucked up ass. Maybe he should walk away now. She'd get over him, hell she was almost there. Just a little bit more and he'd be little more than a memory. "I know baby, I wasn't thinking. I wanted you too much." His whispered confession was far more than he'd wanted to give, but now that the words were out he felt a little better.

She rambled on, not even hearing him as the alcohol made her lips too loose. “Thought he saw the real me, but he didn’t noooo.. just a darlin, a one night fuck, something to get his rocks off with. Guess that makes sense if I had of known he was a rock star. But damn I’ve made his beliefs real trying to forget him, party every night, all the time. Just like he called me. I can do that, be a darlin, no one has to know how bad that hurts.” Her eyes closed as she struggled to take in a breath. “Why can’t I forget him huh?”

Richie twined his fingers around hers and dragged her back. "No, not darlin'. Elena. My Elena, never a darlin'." He cupped her face with his other hand. "Elena. I want my Elena back. I made a mistake. An awful mistake when I put you in the groupie slot. I swear it." He watched her weave, his words didn't seem to penetrate so he shook her. "I'm here, dammit, Elena. See me!"

Did ghosts shake you until your teeth rattled? She glanced up as a slight bit of ire flickered in dazed brown eyes. "Stop it. I ain’t no shaking post." The all too real strength of fingers holding her tight stopped her. "Damn Why do you feel soooo real?" She sighed softly and moved closer, her voice husky and low, "Wish what you were saying was real though, wish you were real."

"I promise I'm real. It took me awhile to get it, but I'm here." Frustrated at her obvious inebriation, Richie made himself step back before he hurt her. If he shook her anymore she'd end up leaving her brains on the floor. "Dammit, Elena. I want to try. I'm here begging to try again."

A soft smile flickered in her eyes, "I dreamed you'd say that too. Silly me." she stepped closer a slight waver to her steps as his words tried to sink in. "Try what again huh?" Maybe it was his warmth, the strength of his grasp, or maybe the chill breeze of the autumn night had finally began to clear the haze of too many nights drinking with no sleep, but suddenly his very prescence began to make the blood in her veins sing. "You ARE here?"

He lifted her hand and pressed it against his freshly shaven cheek. "I'm here."

Color blazed into her cheeks as anger simmered just under her skin. "Why? Couldn’t find a groupie tonight? I’m sure there’s plenty of them in the house. Just SMILE and call them Darlin. Brainless twits will eat it up. I sure did." She stepped back, her cheeks still flushed, "You want an easy lay? Yeah I know, I WAS easy wasn't I?" Her eyes began to glitter as the urge to pour a 5th down her throat screamed in her head. "I fucking need a drink."

Unprepared for the quick flight into rage, he braced himself for a slap, even wincing for it to come. But when all he saw was her heaving shoulders and the fire in her eyes he relaxed a little and grasped her fingers again. "You don't need a drink. You need to talk to me."

Haunted eyes searched his face. "Why? Talk about what huh? How monumentally stupid you were?? How fucking stupid I was?? I never gave a damn about who you were, you were just a really cute guy at the park I wanted to know. YOU used your fame against me dammit, ripped my soul to shreds with a few careless words. Drinking might not solve the problem, but at least it dulls that fucking ache I carry inside of me. I NEED a drink thank you kindly." Looking over at the door she saw a jock staggering out with a bottle and put her slender fingers to her lips and whistled to get his attention, "And I’ll dammit have one too."


"It was just one night! How was I supposed-" he stopped and dragged her around to look at him, waving off the jock. "How was I supposed to know how important it was? I couldn't know, baby. I couldn't know, Elena," driving home the sentence with her name. "I can't get you out of my mind. It's more than just a one nighter." he dragged her into him, pressing her cheek against his chest. "Much more."

A shiver ripped through her, as her body began to shake uncontrollably. "What made you realize that huh? What makes you think I'm strong enough to chance you doing it again?" Her eyes caught his and blazed with a heady mix of fury, fear and a need that ran bone deep. "How can I trust you won’t just get stupid again huh? How do I know you aren’t just here for a Darlin?"

"I'll earn it. I promise I will." He cupped her face, drawing her up to meet him in the briefest of kisses. Butterfly soft, with no heat...just the gentleness he needed to show her. The heat wanted to build. He could feel it low in his belly, but he forced himself to hold back.

Slender hands slipped up to wrap around his neck as she pressed closer to the heat that she’d missed for weeks. She couldn’t help herself for all her internal warnings. He was there; he had come and damn if he wasn’t acting like he had that night, gentle and real, no affected rock star persona. Can’t trust it just yet though, he might go stupid on me again. The hint of a true smile played on her face as she took a breath. "Just how do you think you can earn it? How can I believe your promises now?" Her mind began to whirl as his warmth and scent again soaked into her senses making her feel higher than the alcohol ever could. "Come on, tell me that one Richie.”

"I'm not letting you go again, Elena. If it takes me days, months, hell a year to convince you I will." The feel of her so small and soft against him, was too much. He dragged her in, fastening his lips over hers.